These last few weeks have been some of the most diffcult in a long time. After my twenty-fourth birthday my body just gave out. I genuinely don’t know how else to describe it. For eight days, I was only able to leave my bed to use the restroom. I slept for over 12 hours every night and slept for 3 or 4 during the day. Staying awake felt like an insurmountable task that no amount of caffeine or perscribed stimulants could help me conquer. Many times, I don’t know what triggers these moments, but they happen all the same. It’s like all of my chronic illnesses crash into one another and I am forced to come to a screeching halt. A myriad of symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks and no amount of medication can ease them. It is one of the most frustrating things that happens to someone with chronic illness.

Everything is ok. Everything is getting better. Everthing is great. Everything stops. Everything hurts. Repeat.

I have been trying to find a happy medium of what I can manage with my health and being productive enough for algorithms to reward my accounts. Previously I have allowed this page to only leave me with guilt on days where I can barely leave the bed. Instead of resting, I am worrying knowing that I will have to keep starting over and over again. It is the constant uncertainty of my health that makes things so challenging.

I enjoy making content. However, I have decided that I am not going to worry about growth and algorithms. I know, I know. Those growth strategies are suppose to work and that different applications reward you, but I am not going to worry about that anymore. It is not very helpful for those with chronic illnesses and it only adds to the guilt and frustration I feel on a regular basis.

Of course, I am working on that frustration and guilt, but that is part of the sick kid territory. So, I am reframing how I think about MOM for the time being. It is only going to be about my enjoyment and not about meeting posting schedules that require entire teams. As money dwindles from my bank account, I know that is an odd statement. I will still have shoppable posts, and I will still have fun graphics, but I am still trying to wrestle with my health.

My health is my number one priority at the moment, and if that is not taken care of, then I won’t be able to do anything else, as I have been reminded of for the last few weeks. I am going to need to rethink some of my content ideas and simplify to a pace that works for me. I think that content includes things that I am already doing for enjoyment. If I am gardening, it will be about gardening. If I am painting, it will be about painting. If I am thrifting, it will be about thrifting. My life is not picture perfect in the way that the internet requires, but it will be just fine for those who want to follow along.

As always, I’ve promised to be honest on here and that is just where I am at right now.

With love,

Lady Samantha