Five years ago today, I started an instagram page for extra credit in my business professionalism class. I, always being the epitome of professionalism, chose a picture of myself at an Elton John concert as my professional introductory photo. Why? Because at the time it felt like the epitome of who I was at twenty years old. It was the second week of my lockdown when I wrote what you are about to read below. My immunologist had warned us the second COVID entered Alabama. I had no idea what life was about to look like, or how much my life was about to change in the next five years.

Here is what I had to say at the ripe age of twenty:

“Hi! My name is Samantha Rogowski. I am currently in my junior year at the University of Alabama.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on what my professional goals are for this year. This year, I asked myself a question that I realized I had no answer to. Who am I as a designer? Asking myself this question and finding out that I had no answer was initially incredibly frustrating. It wasn’t until I was looking at the wall during our concept presentations this semester that I begun to reflect on my abilities at the same time last year.

Last year I couldn’t execute the ideas in my head on paper. Last year I disliked the outcome of my final project so much that I spent the summer teaching myself various computer programs. Last year I signed up for a computer applications class in the fall that would allow me to learn even more about how to execute my ideas. This year I was able to pin up work that I was proud of. This year I was able to execute the ideas in my head on paper.

It was then that I realized how exhilarating the unknown is. It is through exploration, experimentation, and the ability to keep pushing forward despite obstacles that the unknown is made known. Working in the unknown means that the outcome will be greater then I can initially anticipate. There is something freeing in being able to say that, for the moment, you don’t know. So this year is about accepting that there is so much I don’t know about myself and the world around me.

I am so excited to begin to share this journey with you all!”

Today, five years later, I wrestled in my head back and forth all day about what to do with The Manor. I felt the lies that told me that I’m wasting my time and that there is no point in what I’m doing. It’s frivolous. What do I do next? You should I scrap everything. Do I get rid of The Moment? I’m really not that good when it comes down to it. When I read the words, “for the moment,” big ole crocodile tears welled up in my eyes. I knew it was the Lord confirming what I had originally set out to do. I am but a thread in the intricate tapestry He weaves, but I am so thankful to be apart of His work.

The Moment has always been, and will always be, an ever changing reflection of where I’m at in my life. What’s funny is that I’m somehow exactly who I thought I would be, but I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be. While I am in a very different position than I would have originally anticipated, I feel no fear or anxiety for the future. In thirty days, I may not have health insurance anymore, but I have no fear or anxiety. He has taken care of me so far, and He has given me no reason to doubt His faithfulness. As, I pointed out five years ago:

“It is through exploration, experimentation, and the ability to keep pushing forward despite obstacles that the unknown is made known. Working in the unknown means that the outcome will be greater then I can initially anticipate. There is something freeing in being able to say that, for the moment, you don’t know.”

So? Today I rest in the unknown, excited to come back to this post five years from now, and reevaluate once more. Although, I have a sneaking suspicion that this message will be received when I most need it five years from now. But do you know what makes this particular walk down memory lane so much sweeter? I’m sitting, cross legged on my bed in my pajamas with a pair of giant lip sunglasses balancing on the bridge of my nose, and the opening notes to “Benny and the Jets” has just begun to play.

Keep moving forward,

Lady Samantha