A New Beginning

Let’s start with the very beginning, a very good place to start.

Fraulein Maria

When I was a little girl, I had this vision in my head of who I would be. I would be a talented, successful designer who is independent and sure of their decisions. I wouldn’t care what anyone’s opinions were of my dressing the way I wanted or creating whatever came to my mind. The funny thing is, as much as I fought it in my adolescence, Little Sam knew exactly who I was made to be. It just took Grown Sam a little longer to accept it.

I graduated with a bachelor’s in interior design in the spring of 2021. I wish I could say that it was a fun-filled time in my life. In reality, it was a knock-out-drag-out fight to the very end. My health was horrible throughout my time in college. I had new mystery diseases popping up left and right. I was in and out of the hospital, in constant pain, and spent all of my “healthy” time trying to catch up. By the grace of God, I gutted it out and graduated without any delay.

As anyone with chronic illness would tell you, you cannot force your body to keep going. No matter what your body will find a way to bring you to a screeching halt. Did I learn from that experience? Nope. Did I take time off from school to heal? No, I ignored everyone’s advice and began to work the week after graduation. Did my health get any better? Nope, it got increasingly worse with each passing month.

Each month, I forced my body into this vicious cycle that I couldn’t keep up with. My boss and coworkers were fantastic, understanding, and encouraged me to stay. However, I realized that it simply wasn’t fair to be so undependable all of the time. They needed consistency, and no matter how hard I tried to create it, my body was not physically able to maintain it. Of course, the timing wasn’t great. I had just made the very necessary purchase of a new car, and now I had to quit my job that paid the bill. With a peace beyond understanding, I left my job in July with $4,500 in my savings account and full support from my family.

In the months leading up to my resignation I was floundering. Disability is not an option in my mind despite meeting all of the requirements. Now was the time to be creative. How in the world can I do what I love while giving my body the attention that it requires? In all honesty, a normal 9-5 has never been possible no matter how much I denied it. By 25 I have to be able to pay for my own health insurance. I have to make money, but how?

One afternoon, I was sitting around the kitchen table with some of my favorite people. We discussed blogs, YouTube, Instagram, and if it was possible to create a living based on social media. My mind was reeling at the potential. If it works, then I could support myself while prioritizing my health. I am passionate about design. I love to write. I know how to work in photoshop. If other people have done it, why can’t?

Thus, Manor on Main was born. Because my health was so poor, Manor on Main was more of a creative outlet for a few months. I would work on it when I could but there was no element of consistency. Then a miracle happened. I finally found a surgeon who listened and believed me. In the first week of October, I had a large ovarian tumor, endometriosis, and my appendix removed. Now, I am in remission, and still experiencing pretty severe pain, but I know that we are slowly putting together the rest of the puzzle. I think I am finally able to start working on this the way that I want to.

This whole thing probably sounds crazy to some of you. Heck, it kind of is when you think about it. However, my life has never fit the mold that it is supposed to. I have no control over my body, but I do have control over how I respond to the circumstances set before me. I can either view this situation as the blessing that it is, or I can give up and waste an opportunity because it may not work. I choose to look at this situation with joy and thanksgiving.

My life may not be turning out the way that everyone else’s is. Why is that a bad thing? After each struggle in my life, I am able to look at the darkest moments and see how they were used for good. The bleak struggle from those seasons helped form who I am today. Years from now I know I will look back and see how important this decision was. If I fail or succeed is irrelevant. My worth is not based on success. Either way I will have peace in knowing my obedience was not in vain.

I have so many ideas for this little blog. I hope that it becomes a source of encouragement, education, and joy for others in the same way that it has been for me. I am so excited for what is to come in this new season. I know that it is going to work. Why? Because it has to.